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Post by tmac on May 14, 2008 23:45:06 GMT -5
as i promised, i have made a joke forums for ppl to post Jokes well anyways heres one.........I will be posting a new joke everday so enjoy them I honestly dont know why its so funny....it just is Rofl It is called "Chicago Police Department" In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the president narrowed the field to three finalist, the CIA, the FBI, and the Chicago Police. The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest. The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist. The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it. The CPD went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling "Okay, Okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".
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Post by tmac on May 15, 2008 0:09:28 GMT -5
OK HERES A GOOOOD ONE A nun was sitting on a bus when a hippie came and sat next to her, he asked her if she would have sex with him, she said no because it was against her religious policy and that the only man she would ever have sex with was god, and even then she said it would only be if he commanded her to do it.....So the hippie said ok and didn't bother her anymore. As the hippie was getting off the bus the driver said '' i know how you can make that nun have sex with you '' and the hippie asked how he could make her do it, and the bus driver said '' every tuesday that nun goes to the cemetry to pray at 12pm, go there and dress up as god and command her to have sex with you,she cannot say no to that because you will be her lord ''. So the hippie went to the cemetry at 12pm on tuesday dressed up as god and saw the nun praying, he went up to her and commanded her to have sex with him.....and she did. After they had sex the hippie ripped off his mask and said '' i'm the hippie! '' and then the nun ripped off her mask and said '' i'm the bus driver! '' hope you liked it
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Post by tmac on May 15, 2008 0:12:49 GMT -5
HERES ANOTHER ONE... "A Chick With Long Legs"
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender."Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.
The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!""That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
"That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! ... Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?"
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Post by tmac on May 15, 2008 0:13:55 GMT -5
The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."
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Post by annihilate on May 15, 2008 0:14:46 GMT -5
u left the title in there. it messed it up.
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Post by daisygirl on May 15, 2008 8:55:45 GMT -5
thanks T_MAC fpr setting up the jokes!!
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Post by Tchalvak on May 15, 2008 12:13:35 GMT -5
The first one was good, I liked it.
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Post by Enkai on May 15, 2008 17:21:52 GMT -5
Nice jokes. Keep it up.
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Post by tmac on May 15, 2008 19:13:27 GMT -5
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the casue was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
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Post by tmac on May 15, 2008 19:15:36 GMT -5
A BLONDE'S BRAIN AT WORK
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls," says the brunette one day, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss. She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows to return home at her normal time the next day. In the morning, the brunette says: "That was fun, we should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
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Post by tmac on May 15, 2008 19:22:30 GMT -5
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Delhi. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.
Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"
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Post by Enkai on May 16, 2008 10:33:04 GMT -5
LOL, more good jokes as usual.
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Post by T macsta on May 16, 2008 14:24:42 GMT -5
ty Enkai
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Post by tmac on May 17, 2008 23:47:20 GMT -5
Ok a good joke for you, modified it myself the Genie and the window One day a newlywed couple goes golfing, so the husband goes up to the tee and Hits a long, long ball and it goes crashes threw a window and breaks it. So the couple goes up to the house and knocks on the door 3 times... and the door opens, but no one is there... so they walk in a little further and see the golf ball beside a bunch of glass and a broke vase so they walk into the living room and they see a black man sitting on the floor... and so they start appologizing upo a storm saying they will pay for all the damage they have done... and the black man says... NO NO i should be thinking you.... so they are thinking to themselve *wah* and they said "why, should you be thanking us???" and the black man replies "well u see i was locked in that vase there for 10000 years and you broke it and i got loose... so in return i will give you 3 wishes They think about it and after 5minutes they agree and the wife says "well i wish to be the richest women in the world" the black man says "done".... then the husband says "i wish i was the most famous man in the world" the black man says "done"... They then think for about 5minutes and cant think of anything else so the black man says "can i take the final wish for you???".... they then diguss it and agree So the black man says "Well i have been locked in that vase for 10000yrs.... and i havent been with a woman in forever... so i was wondering if i could have sex with your wife" .... The man freaks out and says "HELLLLL NO", but the wife calms him down and says "Oh, cmon after all he has done fore us... ill give him a quick 5minutes" so the husband says.... "well okay then" ......... 6 hours later atfer 6 hours of passionate hours the *sex* is finally over... and so the black man syas " just out of curiousity, how old are you and your husband???" ..... she then responds with "well im 39 and my husband is 37" .......... the black man then breaks out laughing and at this point she is wondering wat is so funny.... and then The black man says "you and your husband are 37 and 39, and you guys still believe in genies"
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Post by tmac on May 17, 2008 23:52:07 GMT -5
OKay this ones a blonde joke
The dumb blonde and the genie
So a brunette, red head and blonde are walking in egypt, when all of a sudden *POOF* a genie pops out of no where at all.... the genie then says "I will give you 1billion dollars if you can get up these 1000 steps without laughing at any of my jokes" so they all agree to it
The red head makes it up 8 steps and then she broke out laughing
The brunette made it up 23 steps and then she broke out laughing
The blonde then went and made it up 100....200....500.....750.... and then got to the 998th step and she didnt laugh at the joke... she then approached the 999th step... and before the genie could tell his LAST joke she starts to laugh and the genie says "whats so funny"
The blonde replys "I just got the first joke"
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Post by anonymous on May 18, 2008 0:05:28 GMT -5
Ok I have a joke for you guys. There was this guy who worked at a law firm and took the elevator every day. He worked on the 600th floor but would get to 482 and walk the rest of the way up. U may ask why he walks the rest of the way up read below for ur answer
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Post by anonymous on May 18, 2008 0:06:05 GMT -5
Catch: because hes a midget and can't reach the buttons Lol
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Post by tmac on May 18, 2008 0:12:04 GMT -5
Not bad.... i sappose lol
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Post by tmac on May 19, 2008 15:25:03 GMT -5
NEW JOKE FOR Y'ALL ITS CALLED *Fiting in* Okay so one day, at a construction site, working on construction of a building, a east indian( hope i dont offend anyone, if so srry) , a chineese man and a red neck were eating lunch and talk about the job After talking for a while the east indian says "man, im getting sick of my lunch... if i get roti ONE MORE TIME... im ganna jump off this building" then the chinesse man says "Ya me too, im getting sick of this Oriental noodles, so if i get them ONE MORE TIME, ill join u" So to *FIT IN* the red neck says "I hate tuna sandwhichs, if i get it ONE MORE TIME.. i'll jump too" The next day the, east indian got Roti, so he jumped The chinesse man got oriental noodles, so he jumped The redneck got a tuna sandwhich, so he jumped At the funeral the east indians wife says "If i would have known my husband didnt want roti, i wouldnt have made it for him" The chinesse mans wife says "If i would have known my husband didint want Oriental noodles, i wouldnt have made it for him either" They then look over at the red necks wife... and she says "HEY, dont look at me, my husband packs his own lunch" ENJOY IT
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Post by Mr.RedEyeZ on May 19, 2008 15:39:59 GMT -5
lol
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Post by kurugi on May 21, 2008 14:37:21 GMT -5
Impressed by Jonesats mouse clicking abilities, today Virgin Monkey went to Jonesat asking to give him a blow job. After thinking about it for 5 hours, he finally agreed, to her excitement... But being the desperate and cock hungry whore she is, she went right for it and unzipped his pants. Then upset and disappointed she yelled, OMG WHERE IS IT ? I NEED IT!
Poor Jonesat replied in his pathetic dipshit face: THE JOKE'S ON YOU!!!!!
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